wednesday
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: keane hopes and fears
yet another wonderful day at school!NOT. lessons ok. break time spent getting ready for pe so didnt have to talk to many ppl. lunch went home for 10 mins and took rest of the time walking to and from home.so didnt have to spend any un necessary time around ppl today.apart from walking home and i did wait for everyone at the gate but walked most of the way ahead of them. noone caught up with me.got to the shop sort of the half way point and ppl started givving me sweets sayin aww gotta look after ruthy but its only cos they want to be Seen as being really caring they dont actually.i think kate does. i hope kate does other wise i have no real friends. im soo miserable at the moment its not good side of my thumb looks a bit of a state after my little stress out with the knife i knicked from art. nobody has noticed that i have7 cuts on my left hand im sure its not a coincidence there quite noticeable. i think they have noticed them but dont want me to poor my heart out to them so they dont mention it . its not that i want to moan to them but life sucks donkey balls i cant be fake happy its not happening any time soon so they better just leave me to be miserable alone if they arent really concerened i cant be arsed iwth this fake concern especially from *G* how two faced can she be im not angry just upset that i have one less friend.from the ver depleating numbers. german today. doing a section on healthy living ,smoking. dommy and stephen start on about me smoking miss asked me bout it i had to laugh it off saying it was a joke i was really wound up. and ol did THAT face which upon questiononing he always says he was joking but i know its the ooh ive got an excuse to ignore you now but ill pretend its just a joke and your paranoid if you ask me about it. my bck hurts cos im so on edge today.hair looks shit.feeling fat.spotty and generally uck!i dont even want to go out with nick its gunna be more hassle than its worth i cant have a decent conversation with him adn mum will be worried cos of the age difference but i want a boyf other than ol now cos im so fed up.oh i hate moaning but i gotta get it out so i dont build it all up inside like some coilled spring and flip like last time.

tuesday
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: keane album hopes and fears
parents evening today great stuff i honestly thought i was doin great until i was verballly ripped apart by basically all the teachers. well dont care i know im doing my best they can all go fish. today was a bit shit ol completely blanked me all day and i dont want to comfront himb out it at all cos ikno what happens when i do that might aswell just go up to him and say hey ol fall out with me! i need to tell people at school but i know how sick they are of hearing bout how ol is nasty to me and i know they dont care any more cos they see ol as the fun good looking guy who always flirts with them how could he not give his own girlfriend affection? obv bull right well no it isnt. he does flirt with every one but me! rang him few minutes ago didnt want to talk,whoa! what a surprise!he does suit sarah better than me cos she's like him good looking and shit but i think we should go out still if we can just get over this lil blip. wasnt at all excited that ive bought tickets for my birthday for me and him to go see snow patrol infact the first thing he said was how he hates snow patrol when i know damn well he likes them thats why i chose to see them and not maroon5 who i know he does hate!ooooh i hate sounding like a fucking looser in love all sorry for my self and crap but i cant do any thing bout it cos its how i feel and its not guna be read by anyone who knows me so i dont care how i sound it needs to be said.had a go at cutting my thumb again but ive obviously lost the nerve cos i used to cut myself so easily i think ive grown up and now i think of the consiquences more than the pain before i thought of neither . its all just getting a bit much again. stoppped doing the food diary now cos its not helping im still gunna be fat all my life so i might aswell not kid myself eh ? ooh lord i sound like sum stupid cliche teen now! i am aware of how bad it is im fat! blah blah my boyf hates me blah blah i cut myself blahdi balh its pathetic but thats why i gotta type it up to an annoymous audience rather than loose all respect from people i know by telling them.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhh! need to scream really do just wanna scream into a pillow.
think im gunna dump ol go out with nic and get something peirced a real cry for attention ! only joking i am Not guna let myself go off on one this time im gunna stay with good nice normal boy focus all attentions on school work get good gcse's wotever i really do need to just get my head down.god ive written alot cos me alot in paper if id av just bought a diary like normal ppl but there is alays mum finding potential to diaries.tchuss!
**dugsy**

blog virgin first time
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: does this mean music?if so radio 1 colin and edith
thought id start a blog dunno if people will read it actually not bothered if they dont cos im not sure bout what to put any way. just messing on the comp today in my pj's all day i have been since i got back on sat nite i was really ill at jamies hose on sat nite and got sick all over his bed ooh dear! i feel like a rite light weight but i think it was something i ate as i only had 3 glasses of wine and i drink loads more than that. and it happened in about 2 hours after my first drink so it was definatly the food andy who. still in my pj's 2 days later! wot a scruff but i really dont care cos im not feelin good still. maybe it was something IN my drink? dont want to think about that really cos its very scary thought that at my mates party there could be someone there so nasty as to mess with my drink but nvm cant do anything about it now can i? andy was soo sweet he really did look after me and im so greatful to him cos i felt like i was gunna die and he took me to be sick on the grass and held my hair back and stroked my backa nd talked to me even though all i did was puke on his shoes ooh the shame!wasnt sick at all sunday but did miss rehersals to sleep all day and on a training day today so just on the tinternet and not doin alot.made a website 'dugsy55' a blog and booked 3 tickets for my birthday to see snow patrol in manchester realy looking forward to it. wish it was keane instead but cant have it all eh? thanx to anybody who was bored enough to read this trash
*dugsy*